两性心理学:女人,都需要一场盛大的婚礼

baby和晓明的婚礼在热心的朋友圈里滚动刷了好多天,随之而来的评论也扑天盖地。表达羡慕的自然是大多数,毕竟佳偶天成、郎才女貌;也有许多抱怨的,奢华炫耀、艺人作秀;甚至还有诅咒的,冷眼旁观,看看这么得瑟能撑几天?同一场婚礼,不同的人看出不同的心底,也是正常。我在一堆微信里看到了这样一句声音:“如果我结婚,我绝对不要我男人这样破费,什么婚礼钻戒都不要。结婚是两个人的事,领个证谁也不告诉。”这句话看着如此眼熟,于是我回了一句:“姑娘,这是你心里话吗?”

曾经很多年,我也信誓旦旦地坚持着声明过很多次:不要婚纱照、不要钻戒、不要婚礼。但在自己快要步入婚姻时,心底的声音一再浮起,对我眼里看不上的这些俗事的渴望一天天强烈起来。最终,我终究没有免俗,婚纱照、钻戒、婚礼,我统统都要。自从第一次跨入家门口的婚纱影楼,我在这条路上就一发不可收拾,而每一个项目的完成,都令我深刻体会到,结婚就应该俗气到底!当两个人的幸福影像挂在家里的时候,对这间房子而言,像是一个宣誓:我们是这里的主人,我们幸福的生活即将开始。当钻戒套在无名指上的那一刻,感觉到身边的这个男人给我的承诺可以直达我心。当尽心竭力的筹备婚礼,每一个细节的精心筹划,嘉宾到场见证和祝福,两个人在婚礼上的郑重宣誓,在一阵喧嚣热闹隆重精彩的过程中,全身心的浸没在其中,那一刻自己的幸福与他人无关,只是暗自庆幸还好没有免俗。

自古以来,婚嫁都必须要竭尽所能的热闹,从古法上说这样的热闹有几点好处:1、知道的人越多,新人收到的祝福也就越多,对这场婚姻起着正向的积极作用;2、婚礼上闹过了,夫妻俩过日子就会少很多的吵闹,太太平平过日子;3、在这样一场仪式上,对男女双方走向成熟的象征意义巨大,这是一个对年轻的告别,这是一个走熟成熟的起点,对我们这样不太擅长表达情感的民族来说,也是父母向儿女、儿女向父母表达爱的难得机会;4、一场盛大的婚礼无论是从成本上,还是精神上,都要有相当的投入,婚后应对一地鸡毛吵吵闹闹时,想起花了这么一大笔钱办婚礼,婚礼上当着那么多人的面宣誓,自己曾经把那么多人都感动过,眼前的这点小事就别计较了。细心观察身边草率离婚的夫妻,其实他们大多缺少一场这样盛大的婚礼。

冷静下来后,我一直在想,为什么我几乎在瞬间就推翻了我曾经超凡脱俗的誓言?起先我认为在这个快节奏的社会,什么都追求效率,所以新时代的青年人就自然而然用最少的时间和金钱成本去完成一件事,那才是我们应该做的,领个证就行了,也省去了很多麻烦,后来我发现有这样的想法只是为了想让自己尽早结婚而已,表面看似怕麻烦实际隐藏了一颗恨嫁的心;再后来,我认为是自己想标新立异与众不同,在女多男少的世界里,想要让男人更多的倾慕自然要有不同的思想,而如果这份思想能让男人印象有多深就制造多深,于是不要婚纱不要钻戒不要婚礼这样的宣言就想当然的冒出来。为了满足以上种种,我硬生生地把自己的欲望压抑了下去,并且用我的头脑告诉自己:我不需要!

作为中华民族的优良传统,我们从小学习口是心非:爸妈看着桌上的红烧肉,孩子让他们吃,他们摇摇头说:我们不需要;我们的母亲,在生活富裕后,明明有一件漂亮的衣服可以立即穿上,她摇摇头说:不需要,以后有机会再穿。于是一年又一年地压箱底,等到自己身材走样时再也套不上它,只能抚摸它在落日中唏嘘岁月的无情。我们又何偿不是呢?其实任何一个姑娘,内心都有一个公主梦,而在现实世界中实现这个公主梦的场合基本此生只有婚礼这一次机会,你真心敢说这不是我们作为女人本有的欲望嘛?明明有欲望,想想觉得不可能就非得说自己不需要,久而久之,也就真得以为自己不需要了。在某一个当下,你明明就有机会去拥抱你的欲望,你却对它甩甩手说:“不要啦,我不需要啦,你走吧!”你硬生生地就把老天给你的礼物关在门外,而你失去的何止是一个满足你欲望的礼物,那份在应该的时间应得的礼物所带给你的美好感觉,以及拥有它所带给你日后的美好回忆,你都一并拒绝了。

想想我们把身边唾手可得的礼物拒之门外后,我们的欲望就此会消失吗?不会,它依然在我们的潜意识深处藏身,在日后抓住某次机会,它会突然不知道从哪儿冒出来,以你无力阻挡悴不及防加倍向你声讨,它大声地对你说:它需要被补偿!当它以别的面目出现时,你的伴侣根本无法接受,眼前的女人怎么如此胡搅蛮缠歇斯底里,与婚前的那个体贴人心的她简直判若两人!起初,你也被自己吓坏了,直到你自己去发现真相:这份补偿下面根本就是因为当年没有被满足的一场婚礼而已。你很难相信,曾经那么坚定的信念根本就是不真实的,那个信念只是被你自己的头脑压抑后变成了你说服自己的一个说辞,真实的自己,真实的心愿,它从来没有离开过你的心底。而现在的它,变得愤怒无比,由于当年应该得到时未能被满足,现在的它岂能如此轻易放过你?它需要被满足,而且是加倍满足!

世间可能确有一些女子,真心觉得有没有一场婚礼都没有关系。我想说,这篇文章只是写给想要却对自己撒谎的人说的。那如何判断:“我不要婚礼”这句话是心底的还是头脑的说辞?很简单,问问自己,从小到大,有没有梦想过自己当个公主,有没有参加别人的婚礼被感动,有没有想过自己站在聚光灯下起誓的画面。如果有,你就别硬撑了。

虽说人的成熟是欲望愈来愈少的过程,但并不代表代去压抑它,它就真的少了。在欲望升起的当下,能满足它时,我们尽量满足。如果有一天,我们的心智足够成熟,你的内心会去穿越那份欲望,看见一样你以为会渴求的东西,心不再动,瞳孔不会再放大,那时,你也就不再需要去对它做什么了。

天下万物的来去,都有它的时间,不要用头脑去拒绝经过你生命河流的每一份美好,在你心动的那一刻,起身微笑,伸手拥抱。

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